Couples

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there." Rumi

While some couples see me for maintenance or fine-tuning a sticking point, most of you find me because you don’t know if you can take it anymore.

Trust and communication is broken.

Unmet needs may have cemented into resentment.

The arguments, the stuck patterns, the pain and the constant disconnect has become more unbearable than the fear of loss, separation and financial ruin.

It’s time to shift or get off the pot.

It’s time to let go.

I’m a relationship midwife

In my work with couples, I draw upon 20 years of personal process facilitation and a deep practice of guiding people through surrender.

Yes, surrender.

Rather than giving up, I hold surrender as a choice to let go.

This means recognizing that the form of your relationship, and all the hopes and dreams it’s carried, is no longer working.

To be blunt, the current form of your relationship needs to die.

It probably already has but the stakes are so high, it’s been too frightening to face.

Even if only one of you feels this way, it’s true for you both.

Only now you’ve reached a point that the only way out is through.

Take a deep breath, because there’s some good news here.

This moment does not have to be a final ending but actually can become a portal for rebirth.

In other words, just because a part of your relationship needs to die, doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over.

If you can really let go, it’s possible to develop a different level trust, love and connection with each other.

You can grow a new relationship

The truth is no matter how shitty things seem now, nature reveals how rich compost can become fertile soil for a blooming garden.

As a relationship midwife, I hold space for you to practice transforming your relationship, and your life.

You learn how to receive each other’s truth as an invitation to change with compassion instead of reactivity.

I help you identify trust-eroding patterns but also discover new supportive ways to relate.

Daily life becomes your training ground for shifting a painful loop into a kind moment.

You explore how to let go of your old relationship without allowing fear about the future to spin you into frozen overwhelm.

You start accepting each other’s differences.

Usually everyone has something to claim in a painful interaction. Beyond right or wrong is a both/and place where many perspectives can exist at once.

Creating room for two facilitates a new capacity to love, connect, and remember a sense of humor. From there, being different can become a source of strength, and excitement.

During fragile moments, I’ll talk you off the ledge if you’re about to sabotage your progress. I will also hold you both with fierce love inside hard unknown places as your relationship changes form.

That’s because, my honeys, I’ve learned to trust that there is no faking surrender. Sometimes really letting go means sitting in the unknown without a guarantee of rebirth.

And yet, when you truly surrender, form can rearrange itself into awe inspiring new beginnings.

If you’re both willing, you can create a whole new relationship, without starting over with other people.

As we talk, laugh, disagree, cry and learn together, you can arrive at a stronger, more joyful and peaceful place inside yourself, and with each other.

What do I need from you?

Surrender includes letting go, navigating uncertainty and actualizing change.

Shifting how you talk to each other requires practice. Forgiveness takes time. Discovering new (FUN!) ways to connect often means dating each other again.

It took years for you to arrive at this stuck place, and it’s going to take some time to free yourself.

If you never really loved your partner or are truly done, I can’t make a miracle but I can support a kinder completion. This will serve as better foundation for the future, especially around co-parenting.

But if you do love your partner and want to make this work, I need you to commit, show up regularly, and be real in the room.

It’s also essential that you practice being more aware and making shifts when you’re at home.

True relationship takes time to grow, but it’s a worthwhile investment.

I’ve found that 90 minute sessions twice a month provides great support for clarity and change.

What am I like in the room?

My style is loving but direct. I’m people-savvy and quick to identify complicated dynamics. I love coming up with practical ways to forge new connections.

Besides 20 years of facilitating personal process and energy work, I’ve led women’s groups for over a decade. I’ve also been in a soulful 29 year relationship with my husband and we’ve raised two kids, now in college.

Women tend to feel at home with me and men like my no bullshit form of compassion. This makes me a great ally for partners, from all directions.

If you’re not a believer in energy work or earth-based ceremony, that’s fine. Our focus is personal process. Of course, as a medium I’m happy to offer guided imagery and even couple’s energy work to facilitate connection.

Where to start?

Let’s schedule a 30 minute call and then I suggest booking a session to see how it feels from there.