How to Let Go When Control is Controlling You

I’ve been videoing conversations with beloveds describing how they’ve benefited from the eight teachers in my book, Turning Dead Ends into Doorways–fear, awareness, choice, body, intuition, energy, intention and surrender. Over and over again, a theme has emerged.

It begins with control. From a very early age we’re taught that establishing and maintaining control is the key to achieving success. It’s up to us to make something happen in our lives, right? Only, at some point control fails us. There’s usually one area in life–relationships, finances, health, or children–that cannot be tamed. Life can throw painful curveballs. The need for control takes over and limits our lives. We get boxed in. Control ends up controlling us.

But without the box, what can we lean into for support? Learning how to let go begins with recognizing that we’re relying on control to avoid facing fear. Especially in those painful unresolved areas where life has us by the short hairs, underneath our desire for control is usually fear.

This is where I arrive at the eight teachers. Rather than resisting or fighting our fear through attempting control, we can create a different kind of relationship. We can start a conversation and get to know our fears. Listening to our fears helps us develop awareness which then leads to making better choices. Through awareness, body wisdom gets activated. In fact, a relationship with body becomes key for accessing intuition and experiencing energy.

Throughout, we can focus on a specific (uncontrollable!!) area of our lives by working with an intention. When we get stuck or feel especially lost, we can practice surrender, the big mama teacher who encompasses most life teachings. We may not be able to control the unknown in daily life, but can learn how to navigate it.

And here’s a little secret (shhh): beyond letting go of control because it just doesn’t work, when we say yes to connecting with the unknown, we receive gifts. Healing gifts that balance our lives. Authenticity. Trust. Strength. Laughter. When we achieve something from this place inside, that we’ve done so without controlling or manipulating anything into existence, makes it especially meaningful. The beloveds I spoke with said that through letting go of control life now surprises them in delightful ways, often bigger than they can imagine, and it feels like magic. Now that’s success.

How might you start to let go of control in your life?

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