Indigosky Rudolfgetel

Dancing with the Weight of the World

I’ve been grappling with what it means to live with eyes open wide without feeling weighed down by depression.

Last week while dancing, the air felt so thick I could hardly raise a leg. The heaviness wasn’t personal. The thickness came from where we are collectively at this moment. A presidential election. Another Pluto-Uranus square. Obstacles around actualizing work. Financial stress. Health issues surfacing.

There have been times in my life when all I could do was hold my focus as an inner voice said, “Steady. This part will be done soon.” Over and over and over again. But personally, I’m okay. It’s the suffering around me that’s hard to bear. When people I love are hurting, I feel the sting. While I believe we’re all empathic to a certain extent, it’s a challenging time to be a conscious medium in the world.

Though I’m not against a glass of wine, some trashy television or a bit of retail therapy here and there, deep dish denial just isn’t my way. So last week when I felt the thickness in the air, I decided to dance with it.

Well okay, at first I argued with the extra weight: Look, we’re all doing our best to show up and transform. Why so much suffering? Why isn’t this part done yet?

I found no comfort in why and so I turned to how.

When I stopped resisting, the heaviness outside met the fire in my belly. I shook and shouted, following a trail of heat into my aching heart. Then I heard a whisper, “Gratitude. Dance gratitude.” Huh? Seriously? But the how had become an invitation. Just in time, the music met me as I breathed in every shade of thankful I could imagine. An indigo blue arrived, not erasing the heaviness but cooling the heat enough so I felt more balanced inside.

Days later and my heart still burns a bit. My body just talks that way sometimes. Instead of grappling with how to live consciously amidst the pain and/or beauty of life, I’m practicing breathing with gratitude as a constant invitation to lighten my hold.




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